📸 Courtesy of Rory Johnson. Original drawing.

I debated writing about this because there are so many people out there who are struggling to become parents. I don’t want to come across that I take being a mom for granted. Not a single day goes by that I don’t feel blessed or grateful to be their mom. They are my heart and soul. I love them. I wouldn’t change a thing. But being a parent is full of so much…stuff.

When you find out you are pregnant you prepare yourself on becoming a parent. Then the baby gets here and you adjust to sleepless nights and someone who depends on you for everything. Then they gain a little independence until they are fully self sufficient. You teach them to stand on their own two feet. But I feel like they went from a toddlers to teenagers in a matter of months. And now we are here. Senior year. Filling out college applications. First prom. Turning eighteen. Graduating High School. And eventually out in the world finding her own way. Without me. And I’m feeling it.

I’ll eventually figure it out. Right now, in this very moment, I’m coming to terms with how different my life is going to be. And I’ll get through it. I’ll adjust. Eighteen years flew by on fast forward. My heart is feeling the void already.

I have been dancing with the ideas circulating in my head. Once upon a time I had a map, goals waiting on me to conquer them one by one. I was adventurous. I was alive. I was fearless. I don’t remember when but I folded that map and tucked it away. I know I had the best of intentions of picking it up again one day. It’s just taken me longer than I thought it would to get back to it. I have no regrets. Clocks tick at different rhythms for every one.