Paint me however you want. Label me. Judge me. Twist the story. But understand this: my heart is pure. My loyalty is rare. My intentions are real. I stand firm in who I am with or without validation. Because I know exactly what I bring to the table and I am not afraid to sit alone. I will not make myself small for anyone. EVER. I will not hold back. GOD is reducing my circle because he heard conversations I didn’t. Evil can pretend to be good and kind. But good and kind people cannot pretend to be evil. When you see evil behavior in someone, believe it. That is who they really are. And your behavior is a reflection of your soul. I’ve learned that loyalty is everything. And you don’t get to talk to me about loyalty when I am still here holding secrets for people who are throwing dirt on my name. If you are in my life, know that it’s a privilege, not a right.

Some women don’t get to live soft lives. They get handed chaos, grief, betrayal, and they have to learn how to bloom anyway. I have been in fight or flight mode for what feels like an eternity. So long that I have a tough time letting go and trusting. I walk alone in a world men think they control. A world that labels me emotional or hysterical. Crazy or stupid. It’s one thing to have a conversation amongst friends. It’s another when one of those friends have the ability to act on your words and alter lives. The matter has nothing to do with choosing sides and everything to do with the weight of your words.
I didn’t get to where I am today because it was easy. I got here because I didn’t give up.

2025, the year of shedding things that no longer serve you. I will not be reflecting on the events of 25. Let’s just say it was a better year than 2024. And the most important parts of that year, Rory and Grady, are happy and healthy and thriving. No, there will be no looking back. Consider what needed to be shed done and with it I have unlocked a new level of confidence. The peace I have been searching for. The realization that if I fall I will always get up. Better. Stronger than before. I may not know what my future holds but I do know it will be nothing short of spectacular. A production directed by me and me alone. 2026, the year of the Horse. I have big expectations for you and the changes you will bring.

You reach a certain age and you realize you have more yesterdays than tomorrows. Sometimes I wonder how many versions of myself I’ve outgrown without even noticing. The thoughts I used to carry. Old photos of visions of me through the years. Or dreams of a naive mind that reshaped through the decades. Or the white knight that never showed up to save me. It’s funny how we live in all these versions of ourselves everyday and still not realize we are evolving. It’s only when we look back do we realize how far we’ve come and how many lives we have already lived in the same skin.

📸 Courtesy of Rory Johnson. Original drawing.

I debated writing about this because there are so many people out there who are struggling to become parents. I don’t want to come across that I take being a mom for granted. Not a single day goes by that I don’t feel blessed or grateful to be their mom. They are my heart and soul. I love them. I wouldn’t change a thing. But being a parent is full of so much…stuff.

When you find out you are pregnant you prepare yourself on becoming a parent. Then the baby gets here and you adjust to sleepless nights and someone who depends on you for everything. Then they gain a little independence until they are fully self sufficient. You teach them to stand on their own two feet. But I feel like they went from a toddlers to teenagers in a matter of months. And now we are here. Senior year. Filling out college applications. First prom. Turning eighteen. Graduating High School. And eventually out in the world finding her own way. Without me. And I’m feeling it.

I’ll eventually figure it out. Right now, in this very moment, I’m coming to terms with how different my life is going to be. And I’ll get through it. I’ll adjust. Eighteen years flew by on fast forward. My heart is feeling the void already.

I have been dancing with the ideas circulating in my head. Once upon a time I had a map, goals waiting on me to conquer them one by one. I was adventurous. I was alive. I was fearless. I don’t remember when but I folded that map and tucked it away. I know I had the best of intentions of picking it up again one day. It’s just taken me longer than I thought it would to get back to it. I have no regrets. Clocks tick at different rhythms for every one.

I don’t post on FB often or social media as a whole. I have been keeping up with the news coverage of the Central Texas floods. I should have stayed away from social media but I made the mistake of reading the comments on the news posts. 99% of the time I ignore those comments but this… It is beyond disturbing that people see a natural disaster as an opportunity to tell someone they should have voted differently. The people making jokes about the lives lost are disgusting. Or saying Texas deserves what’s happening right now. One guy even wrote, cleaning up the scum of Texas. No one deserves tragedy. It happens without regard of your political or religious bias. If we don’t come together to help each other or lift each other up in times like these there is no hope for this world. Commenting this is deserving to anyone while they are grasping at hope is evil. And that has everything to do with who YOU are as a person and nothing to do with religion or politics.

I will continue to pray for survivors and for strength to families out there searching for their loved ones. #ProudTexan

Disclaimer: I am not taking credit for this art. Artist unknown

I recently read, ‘The right people do not walk away. They stay. They stand by you – not just when life is easy but when it’s hard, chaotic, and painful. They show up, they care, and they fight for you.’

I believe this whole heartedly.

1. The Competitor – They want to see you succeed but never more than them.
2. The User – They will only love you as long as they can use you.
   
3. The Blamer – They make you feel guilty for their behavior.
4. The Complainer – They will complain about the very thing they aren’t willing to change.
5. The Abuser – They abuse everything you give them.
   

The right person will feel like peace. The wrong person will feel anxiety. Choose what you value most.

Disclaimer: the above photo does not belong to me. 📸 unknown

Árbol del Tule, a Montezuma cypress in Santa María del Tule, Oaxaca, Mexico, is considered one of the world’s oldest, largest, and widest trees. Its trunk is the stoutest in the world, with a circumference of 137.8 ft, and it takes 30 adults to encircle it. Some estimates suggest the tree is between 1400–3000 years old, meaning it was growing when the ancient city of Monte Albán was being established. 

I’ve always loved trees. I often draw them showing their roots. I can’t wait to meet this one.

I want to purchase acreage and build a modest house. Equipped with a small barn for all the animals I rescue and an art studio with a dark room so I can paint and develop my photos. I will have a huge garden with heirloom vegetables. And a real English garden full of flowers and a labyrinth. Everyday I will cut fresh flowers for inside the house. And I will can all the vegetables I possibly can. That to me sounds like heaven.

Travel by train. Sleep cart, the whole thing. I want to see parts of the world that are off limits to cars and people. Except by train of course.

I have asked this question a thousand different ways.  Will I ever get to the point where life stops testing me and starts trusting me?  I feel as though I have been on a never ending quest.  Trying to keep breathing when everything felt like it was suffocating me.  Have I been forgotten?  Have I been singled out for struggle?  Is this punishment or preparation?  I have walked through fire time and time again.  I am STRONG.  I have experienced a mountain of loss.  I’m WISE.  I feel like I have been placed in emptiness.  Am I being left behind?  Or am I being led?  Most days I feel like I’m unraveling.  All while being told I’m being shaped for a life much larger than I have now.  Am I in the season that will answer the question?  Will beauty arrive because of the pain and not in spite of the pain? Is this the season where intimacy no longer requires armor?  Where joy no longer feels borrowed?  Whom and what do I need to let go to achieve it?  All of this… Is my life.  I love life.   I love the highs and lows.   The joy and the sadness.  The ordinary to the extreme.  The said emotional roller coaster of it all.   All I have to do is trust that everything I have had to endure is with reason.  I’m ready to step into the life I have been led to lead. 

Disclaimer: I took this photo in my backyard in Texas.

I hope The Universe and God never stop sending me signs of love.

Disclaimer: I took this photo on a dirt road somewhere in Williamson County.
I drove home today with tears streaming down my face.  Feeling numb.  Not every day is about positivity.  Some days you just need to let the feelings flow.  

I started cooking dinner and decided today called for a drink.  My expectations escaped my field of logic.  Completely by my own admission.  The cherry on top was the look from my coworker when I replied to something they said.  The look of annoyance on their face said a lot.  I think I need to go silent for a while.  Keep my muchness to myself.  Just keep everything private and professional moving forward.

Disclaimer: Not my photo. 📸 unknown

Fall in love with my forever partner in crime. This isn’t about having someone in my life. It’s about having that one person, that truly knows me be a part of my life. I want that Mr. Darcy kind of love.

Disclaimer:  I took this photo in Palo Duro Canyon, Texas.  Roadrunners are mystical prehistoric birds and I absolutely adore them.  

I will always be the ginger girl who twirls her hair, laughs at inappropriate things, dances in public, sings in the isles of H-E-B, says hello to strangers, falls in love easily, reads the classics, gets lost in the moment, loves Christmas and gets stupid excited when they see a road runner. 

Disclaimer: I took this photo when we visited New York for the first time ever. I had heard they were closing FOA Schwartz on 5th Avenue. I decided now was the time. 📸 J.L. Locke

A partial bucket list experience was met when we flew to New York. To dance on the Big Piano.

📸 J.L. Locke

I want more than a visitation. I want to live there. Immerse myself in all that New York has to offer. Get to know its secrets and write a love story with a city I’ve only had an affair with.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to this photograph. 📸 Unknown.

I want to experience tulip season in the Netherlands both on the ground and in the air. Simple stunning!

To live is the rarest thing in the world.  Most people exist, that is all.  ~Oscar Wilde.   

This quote is currently living in my head rent free.   Living in the moment has become my favorite pastime.  No matter where you are, no matter who you’re with,  or what you are doing… soak it in.  Put your phone down and just enjoy the ordinary.  Because the life you’re living is extraordinary.  

I took this photo in New Mexico about six years ago. I don’t remember the exact location, but it was close to the Colorado boarder. These structures exist all over the state. I always wonder what their stories are. What history was made there. And if any of those historical souls still walk the floors of those old walls.

The world will strike a match to lure you into the light only to blow it out and force you back into the darkness.  People love to see you succeed as long as they can take credit for your success.  The saddest truth is that people submit themselves to all of the above willingly believing that they are not worthy of amazing blessings because someone convinced them otherwise.  

Social media tells me that jet setting around the world playing the role of a perfect partner and parent while I live in my million dollar home (which is always perfectly clean)is who I need to be.  Society tells me I need to fit in and follow.  I’ve never been one to follow others.  

Time is the only currency you can spend never knowing what your balance is.  Use it wisely.

PSA: Photographer is unknown